Her frozen hair crackled in the breeze, slapping her reddened cheeks making them sting that much more, her worn ragged jacket almost kept her from shivering, but even this was better than staying home with her ever angry mother. School offered a welcome break from the tension, as long as she could stay invisible, The moment the popular kids caught sight of her she would enter her other hell. Teased for worn out jeans, and sweaters that had seen better days was only where they would start, But having been trained well at home on how to take a beating, or a tongue lashing, She knew how to brace for the onslaught.
None of this mattered, she knew that one day this would all be in the past. She could take all that could be dished, But even the strongest of souls can have a weak moment. She had read somewhere that it was an overdose from aspirin that could not be reversed, so she took what was left in the bottle. It wasn’t very many, maybe 12 at most, but she thought it would do the job…..The next morning she knew that it had not been sufficient, having only a strange numbness in her scalp, everything else was the same. Although she had failed, she was relieved that she was still around to smell the flowers.
That was me at the tender age of 14. I attempted suicide, Only that one time. I don’t know what exactly brought me to the breaking point, but I know that it had to be something bad, I took on the brunt of my mothers anger, so that my younger brother and sister weren’t as tormented. I learned how to block out noises, I learned how to hold still while being whipped with a willow branch, I learned how to cover up bruises, I learned how to lie, I learned a great many things. My mother in law seemed to think I was overstating the facts, until she met my mother. I in fact have always UNDER stated the facts. Why? 1. because most people don’t believe you, and 2. no matter how bad it was? there are still other people out there that have it much much worse. How I knew that so young I don’t know, but I knew. The most important thing is that I am still here, and I STILL like smelling the flowers!
So…..I want to know…and I probably never will, what happens to a person that really does loose their hold on sanity? do they go somewhere deep inside? if they do, who is the personality that replaces the “real” you? Why are some strong and others weak? There are so many questions…..so many Lost people…That makes me sad.
I had a good day today, It thundered and rained, Hubby and I went grocery shopping, I rested quite a bit, watched some TV with Hubby, played with my Fuurriends, Watched some You Tube, checked my emails…. How did you spend Your Sunday?
Sorry tomorrow is Monday….But we still get to smell the Flowers!!