How Bad IS a Death Sentance…..really…..

I fell short of the 30 posts in 30 days mark, but I’m not down on myself because of it…I am extremely Proud that I show up as often as I do! I never would have In a Previous chapter! Yes, I truly believe our lives are made up of chapters, some folks get stuck reading the same chapter too many times, yeah? Even I have done that a few times in my life thus far.

Lets see….Saturday! I got my hair changed (professionally) which I haven’t done since my Cousin Becky passed away. My hair…has been VERY blonde all my life, from Platinum as a child to well…Very Blonde…But recently? I think It was starting to go grey? So I deemed it time for a change!  The first photo…was in 2011/12 ish…..The next two? were Yesterday….

me before hair change

ME1_ppNewDoo

ME4_ppNewDoo2

I was in shock at first….I have NEVER Seen my hair so dark…but its growing on me….I know we all have to get older…I have added way too much weight….which is mostly due to illness (little or no b 12, Hypothyroid, Steroids from COPD) I have no appetite, and have to be reminded sometimes to eat….which is shocking to me, for as a child/young adult? I thought people were heavy from only over eating…. Yes…I judged. I found fault. I was Literally Ignorant.

ig·no·rant

[ig-ner-uhnt] Show IPA

adjective

1.lacking in knowledge or training; unlearned: an ignorant woman.
2.lacking knowledge or information as to a particular subject or fact: ignorant of quantum physics.
3.uninformed; unaware.
4.due to or showing lack of knowledge or training: an ignorant statement.
So That Brings me to my Title.
I recently had an Ultrasound on my thyroid, it is getting horribly uncomfortable in my neck, as if someone is constantly choking me. As I drove away from the Ultrasound…I wondered if I might have Cancer…or maybe they just need to remove the thyroid? ANY time you have tests done and you feel horrid…so may untamed thoughts run rampant through your brain…..But…Here is the thought that really shocked me the most….I don’t think having cancer? would be so bad.  WAIT…….before you get all freaked out? I KNOW I am pretty Ill, WITHOUT even having the big C word…..and all I keep thinking? is will THIS be me?
Getting Older.....
I don’t want to read this chapter….I know its not really my choice….but This is so horrid….so sad….I also don’t want to be at home having my loved ones wipe my bum…..how horrid for them? I think that the Creator, Call the force whatever you may, can protect you from all sorts of things…..even the photo above…..So is dying earlier than “nursing home age or health” Horrid? I don’t think it would be. As Sad as I would be to leave all my family and friends? I would leave knowing they didn’t despise me, or actually be grateful that I am finally gone…. (you know what I mean). So IF I end up with Cancer or some other Dread Health Issue that I know I cant really win? I will go without a fight, no miracle cures, no Chemo, None of that Hooky for me. I will accept it as a blessing from a force that knows me better than I know myself.
In other news! I had an Open House to attend on Saturday as well! It was to enlighten anyone who might be interested in taking classes on wearing your watercolor! It was only for 3 hours, and I enjoyed it. for attending we got an extra 30% off  our entire purchase if we bought anything….WOOP! some stuff was already 70% off! I Went shopping!!  I got some binders/smash like  for 70 cents normally $9.00 and I got Stamps? Normally $15? they were half off = 7.50 – 30% put them right around $4.
AFTER, I went to Hobby Lobby, which is right across the street….and they were also having a sale! Paper Studio and Stampabilities stuff all 50% off! OH…..it was a good shopping day!
So now its Monday….and here I sit….My hip is a GIANT toothache…..My throat is choking again, I can feel the swelling due to the water retention….I haven’t had a B-12 shot since January as it is currently UN available….I wonder if the Veterinarian has some?  And I still feel pretty freakin Happy….My Life? Has been/IS AWESOME!!!!! Have I struggled? HELL YEAH! Have I Cried? YES! Have I Been Angry? YOU BET! But they are all chapters! They are all part of my story!! Guess What? I really AM going to go Sliding in sideways…..saying   “THAT was one HELL of a RIDE!!!!!!”
     Here’s to The Coming of Tuesday! Hope Your Day Will Bring a Smile or Three!!
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About dhowell9000

50 years old, Happily Married to my soul mate, raised 5 children, have 6 grandchildren, Have 3 dogs and 3 cats (rescued all) Work Part time in a drugstore, and make Creative Stuff of all kinds in my Free Time
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8 Responses to How Bad IS a Death Sentance…..really…..

  1. BubbleArt says:

    Odd, but I enjoyed your post today. I’m a weird-o! Take care of yourself……..and know I resonate with each thought you spoke!

    • dhowell9000 says:

      Honestly? I think there are some that may resonate but are afraid to say it out loud. You are not a Weirdo! WE, are just different, and different? is AWESOME! I used to hide my Quirky side? Not anymore! I Let That M.F. SHINE! Thanks for stopping in AND for leaving a comment! Its nice to know You were here!

    • dhowell9000 says:

      Thursday….HA! I thought today was Wednesday! Hubby Corrected me! Thursday …after 10 vile’s of Blood I hope he knows something….if not? Nut Doctor…Here I COME!!!! Thanks for askin!

  2. I totally agree with your thoughts on the dying thing….. i dont think dying is such a bad thing…and i would definitely rather die than be chronically ill, as you say….altho i never know when the time comes for death, how one would feel…..my brother kept telling me he didnt want to die, he was only 49 years old tho, and then my mum, didnt mind cos she felt she was going to see him, and my older aunts, they dont mind….i think they actually want to go…. death is a personal thing i guess…the thing i often wonder is… if something made me need to die, an illness or something…how would i do it? How would I end my life in a pure and evolved way?i think about that sometimes, i feel weird thinking about it like that but i still do…….. however, i hope that one day you wake up and your malady has gone away, cos you are too beautiful and your blogs and your art are way too interesting to not be spread around some more…… ❤

    • dhowell9000 says:

      What a Beautiful and Heartfelt Comment! I have so many illnesses at this point…..that I know if I got cancer? The treatment would kill me….I would rather play hippi, and smoke some pot, and get some morphine…..than sit in a hospital alone, puking my guts out, and all the other stuff that goes with it. Doctors can not possibly “save” your life, the cold hard fact? is that we are going to die….sooner or later. They can PRESERVE our lives….and when the day comes (and it is) when they can print and implant all the parts you need to stay alive forever? they will implant a switch to turn you off, to make room for more people….because if No one ever dies? we are in trouble. Thank- You Dear Shiva, for the Hug that your Comment Provided! It has made my day! (wiping tears of gratitude)

  3. Raine says:

    First of all…(((hugs))) ❤
    I completely understand what you are saying here. I often feel the same way. There are moments when I am terrified of dying but mostly I just don't want to get sick and become a burden. So I'm one of those awesome weirdos, too! I'm with you all the way, my dear friend. I'm so glad that we got to meet here, finding a common bond with our art. Hopefully, we'll both be around for a while.
    Please keep me posted on your test results. Feel free to PM me if you need to vent. I can't fix anything but I can listen. Two ears, no waiting! (virtually speaking!)

  4. dhowell9000 says:

    First of all? You are leaving tears of Joy in my eyes! (wiping so’s I can see) And I am so glad I put that out there, Even though my family (kids) would kinda freak, NOT saying I WANT to die? but when the day comes? I would rather I die BEFORE I get to the Burden part. I am So Grateful Raine, for your Friendship, and hope it grows in Strength, Leaps and Bounds!! Thanks for another “emotional” internet Hug! ❤
    AND for the Lending an Ear part! with No waiting! I may just need you for that!! and will definatly give updates! 😉 thanks Dear Friend!

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