Round and Round……..

I have Osteoarthritis in my shoulders hips, knees, and spine. I also have a herniated  S1 disc (lower spine) My current Doctor has refused to give me anything for the arthritis, due to my many other illnesses, which one of them is Chronic Gastritis, and another is Disease of the Tricuspid Valve in the heart. So I have nothing for pain, He does however give me a sleeping pill, which is the only way It seems I can fall asleep anymore, unless I drink myself stupid, which is bad for more than just my stomach. My doctor will give me a hard time when I ask for more of the sleeping pill, but I have tried Motrin pm, Melatonin, Tylenol, and all of the above rotated, only works for a short time….then I have to add to them , which then will kill off organs as well….. I don’t take anything for pain any other time of the day unless I get a migraine. I can deal, until I lay down….

My Husband is tired of hearing me complain about work,( he does not in any way say that to me, but after 25 years of marriage I can tell)  and the only reason I complain, is that I cant sleep, because I’m in constant pain, Like a deep tooth ache in all my joints, my hips being the worst of them. Working makes the pain worse as I have to bend and stoop the entire day, which aggravates my condition, I have asked for part time…..they put me on 7 days straight but only 30 hours……the problem is that I need in-between days to reload I have asked for only 3 days a week, I have been told that that is probably not going to happen, and Yes I have put in many applications over the last few days.

I don’t do any art any more, I’m too tired, and I have to work more days than I planned, I take my sleeping pill at night, usually I can go to sleep, but it also makes me want to stay in bed until I cant lay there anymore. I am getting depressed quickly as this escalates, and that makes me just want to sit in a corner, and watch shows that I cant even remember what happened in them…..And My Irritability is starting to get pretty bad.

Taking deep breaths, I just try to find solutions in my head. I could quit my job… but I sort of need the money to pay the doctor bills, we could do it without, but then I can only go when moneys not too tight, Moving around work also has the benefit of “moving”, if I only sit, soon I wont be able to move at all. I cant collect ssd, as according to them I am not sick “enough” and in order to re- apply I have to work for 2 years……and if I do get ssd….I wont be working…..will that keep me from moving? or will I then have the time to walk in a park? I am on 19 different prescriptions, I have considered quitting the whole freaking list, but I know that some of my diseases are serious….I think I need to be back on anti depressants, but there you go….yet another pill….. OH, and I called a Holistic Doctor…..RIIIIGHT…..MY current office visit is $196 dollars….with a discount for blue cross taking it down to $106. HOLISTIC medicine is not covered by insurance in any way….and I  do not have that kind of money. I believe I was quoted $500.00 to get started.

I think I understand now why there are some who come to the decision, that quantity of life is not more important than quality of life. Putting on my turtle shell and thinking cap Once again.

I hope everyone has a beautiful Day, and Please….. make the most of each one!

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About dhowell9000

50 years old, Happily Married to my soul mate, raised 5 children, have 6 grandchildren, Have 3 dogs and 3 cats (rescued all) Work Part time in a drugstore, and make Creative Stuff of all kinds in my Free Time
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