Round and Round……..

I have Osteoarthritis in my shoulders hips, knees, and spine. I also have a herniated  S1 disc (lower spine) My current Doctor has refused to give me anything for the arthritis, due to my many other illnesses, which one of them is Chronic Gastritis, and another is Disease of the Tricuspid Valve in the heart. So I have nothing for pain, He does however give me a sleeping pill, which is the only way It seems I can fall asleep anymore, unless I drink myself stupid, which is bad for more than just my stomach. My doctor will give me a hard time when I ask for more of the sleeping pill, but I have tried Motrin pm, Melatonin, Tylenol, and all of the above rotated, only works for a short time….then I have to add to them , which then will kill off organs as well….. I don’t take anything for pain any other time of the day unless I get a migraine. I can deal, until I lay down….

My Husband is tired of hearing me complain about work,( he does not in any way say that to me, but after 25 years of marriage I can tell)  and the only reason I complain, is that I cant sleep, because I’m in constant pain, Like a deep tooth ache in all my joints, my hips being the worst of them. Working makes the pain worse as I have to bend and stoop the entire day, which aggravates my condition, I have asked for part time…..they put me on 7 days straight but only 30 hours……the problem is that I need in-between days to reload I have asked for only 3 days a week, I have been told that that is probably not going to happen, and Yes I have put in many applications over the last few days.

I don’t do any art any more, I’m too tired, and I have to work more days than I planned, I take my sleeping pill at night, usually I can go to sleep, but it also makes me want to stay in bed until I cant lay there anymore. I am getting depressed quickly as this escalates, and that makes me just want to sit in a corner, and watch shows that I cant even remember what happened in them…..And My Irritability is starting to get pretty bad.

Taking deep breaths, I just try to find solutions in my head. I could quit my job… but I sort of need the money to pay the doctor bills, we could do it without, but then I can only go when moneys not too tight, Moving around work also has the benefit of “moving”, if I only sit, soon I wont be able to move at all. I cant collect ssd, as according to them I am not sick “enough” and in order to re- apply I have to work for 2 years……and if I do get ssd….I wont be working…..will that keep me from moving? or will I then have the time to walk in a park? I am on 19 different prescriptions, I have considered quitting the whole freaking list, but I know that some of my diseases are serious….I think I need to be back on anti depressants, but there you go….yet another pill….. OH, and I called a Holistic Doctor…..RIIIIGHT…..MY current office visit is $196 dollars….with a discount for blue cross taking it down to $106. HOLISTIC medicine is not covered by insurance in any way….and I  do not have that kind of money. I believe I was quoted $500.00 to get started.

I think I understand now why there are some who come to the decision, that quantity of life is not more important than quality of life. Putting on my turtle shell and thinking cap Once again.

I hope everyone has a beautiful Day, and Please….. make the most of each one!

MARCHing To Your Own Tune

Its been a While since my last post, I have been battling what I believe was the Flu, It was “AWFUL”! Even Steroids hardly made it easier to breath, but I got better. I woke up today. THAT is all I truly think about mostly since I have  gotten past it. Funny, That all the things in life I “thought” does or would make me happy or grateful for, JUST being alive was not one of the things I would have seriously put on my list 20 years ago. Life moves, it carries you in directions you never would have went  on your own sometimes, and all the directions change you, make you think differently. I once thought a lot of money would make me happy, now I see why it clearly would “NOT”.  I’m finding out what it takes to be at peace with the Me I have become.

I have postponed My YouTube  videos until Monday, The 9th of March. I will be home alone with less to distract me. I hope that someone can get something from them, I only make them to help others find an easier way to draw, or doodle if you will. I also want to review my brother scan and cut for anyone who might be thinking of buying a Die cut machine.

My working life continues to be pretty good, I hope I will make more money , but I couldn’t ask for better hours, or a more flexible schedule, and it only take me 5 minuets to get there. I will be Extremely happy when my car is paid off so the money we make extra can go to Home improvements! Speaking of that!! We have a fairly new Mattress set (1-2 years old) and we paid quite a bit….NOT HAPPY with it, its got deep impressions already! we got it at Sears…..HOWEVER…..We were shopping at Sams Club and we found a 4 inch thick memory foam mattress topper, AMAZING!!!! it was $100.00 and worth every penny!!

My Sisters will soon Arrive and we will have some time spend together, I Look Forward to those times as we only get once a year to really be together with no distractions or limits. Next year we are looking for more adventuring as well as visiting!

How is YOUR Saturday Treating You? I Hope You are all Well!

What If…..

What If……Your walking down a Pretty Dirt Road…..Flowering trees line either side, The air is fresh with the slight scent of  honeysuckle, and the breeze is subtle yet refreshing, There is birdsong in the air, you hear a gurgling brook nearby…..everything is soothing…..What If…..Suddenly….the wind got rougher, the Road started becoming quite a bit steeper, You felt extremely out of breath, the trees became brambly and dried up looking, and What If…..as most of us “might” do, you turned around to go back and find the “nice, quiet” part of the road, but as you turned around? there was nothing…..a cliff….A Drop Off with “Nothing” behind you?

What if…..As you have no choice but to move on…..You see a Fork in the road ahead….while continuously looking back, bewildered that no matter how much further you travel, there is still a dead drop off directly behind you, anxiety builds as you approach the Fork……Now……Left….Or Right…..whichever way you choose? You now know…..The drop off is still right at your heels, so there wont be any turning back…..

This, My Friends…..Is the beginning of a story…..Perhaps YOUR story…..Because THIS is exactly what life is like if you consider it all…..we cannot go back….EVER….we have the memory of the sweet smelling air and the soft breeze, and then things got rougher….Just as life does…. we long for the better roads because most people can remember that from their youth, not having bills, or responsibility…..coasting in and around all the fun things that happen in childhood, But eventually? Life throws curve balls, and we have choices to make, that we know once we make them? again….we can never go back…..it changes every day, whether we picked up a cigarette, a drink, or chose to be a health nut…..every choice is just another foot forward, you cant stand still….or the empty space traveling behind you will eat you up…. But Change is OK……It’s IMPORTANT , if we didn’t move? and change? we would also never discover, learn, Or Grow…..

What If …….We could all relax and know…..That there would ALWAYS be a road to travel down, and just ‘Enjoy’ the changing scenery?  It would be A Life well traveled!

My Right Lung Hurts Like I got Ran Over….BUT….I think I am out of the woods…Still congested, but breathing a bit easier. I escaped the dark corridor again and am so very grateful…..I have many things to do, and I am glad I get to do them, and I am going to enjoy the HELL out of the rest of the passing scenery!

February FUNK….

Watching a few of the people I admire,  some whom I didn’t even know until now,  Vlog Every Day In February. I haven’t got up my nerve to do that yet, Those women are very brave.

I am in a Funk…..I have things to say…..I don’t know how to say all of it at once….and when I try to let out “bits” the rest gets lost for a time…..but its still all there…..needing and wanting to be released. I Used to buy Journals…..and they stayed blank except for the first few pages, Now I make many Journals….I have discovered ART Journaling and this has helped tremendously with getting some thoughts out…..And I have used “some” of the journals I have “made”, but many still remain blank, or even Un-assembled…..I have an Obsession with Paper now….Patterned, and even Blank card-stocks, that I intend on “using” someday….I promise myself many times that it will get used, but instead I just wait for the next paper sale at the craft store and buy more. I have been keeping all the scraps as well….It seems as if I have forgotten how to move forward. I buy all the things I think I might need as well……Glues, Tapes, Kits, chipboard, Rings, Brads, clear and rubber stamps, Ink, And still…..I sit here…..frozen. I am damaged, I had a horrid childhood, but most people can remember it being horrid, or at best not “normal” for we know now that we are grown, that there is no such thing as normal, or perfect, but we still feel broken…..it doesn’t change anything. Sometimes….there are folks that take that brokenness and do even more damage, Sometimes one blames all the wretchedness they feel, on everything else but themselves…..The truth is? Maybe? It was just THEM that was broken in their lives instead of everyone around them. That is when we need to “Own” our shit, not blame it on anyone, especially not on Children, they come into the world innocent. (for the record here, not talking about anyone in particular. this is a “general” statement)

I am sick again in my lungs. Its so scary to really feel like that kid in the commercial says “a fish out of water”. I get a desperate feeling when it gets bad, I am back on steroids. I Knew the Doctor would have put me in the Hospital with this one, so I didn’t go. I heard someone say once that sick people are many times unhappy, which is where the word “Dis-Ease” comes from… I myself FEEL happy, at least for the most part, but I will own that there are parts of me….That are still that young person, Who STILL feels broken…..Who lingers on the bad stuff that happened…..Who cant seem to move PAST the bad stuff, Who Cries when she sees something that reminds her of what She never felt she got enough of, OR too much of,  Or who cries during a sad Commercial for Pete’s sake! That Little girl stands with her head down, afraid to look up…..wondering why shes always in trouble…Why she cant do GOOD things…..Why she just cant be like everyone else…..she has been there….with her head down, for a very long time…..When I Art Journal? I catch her peeking….Trying to see if I am writing down how proud I am of her, That she is still here on Earth, and Proud that she tries very hard to help other people know, that they make a difference in this world….Yes…..I want her to know……I AM writing it down…..

Organ-Nization Donors Welcome!

I am a PRO at Crastinating , I Really don’t want to be a PRO at Disorganization! Trying to learn the ways of really Organizing my supplies for my crafts and KEEPING them that way!

Holding true to the Love Hate Relationship with my Place of Employment, My hours have been pretty Minimal, I am at about 18 to 20 hours a week, 24 would be better, but I don’t want to ask for more hours and end up with 40 + hours a week again……soooooo its either be OK with what bones they throw to me, or really pound the pavement and find a different Part Time Job. After Not Working for 10 years? I don’t want to Quit so easily or Quickly before showing that I can be reliable somewhere. Not to mention being able to ask for days off (unpaid of course) when Family Rolls in from out of town, or when we want to visit Family out of town. Having established work reliability has benefits too.

Since I have The “Extra” time now? I Want to RE-Vamp my Computer/Craft room. I moved in 4 years ago, and still have not yet Painted some of the rooms in my house….(PRO-Crastinater) So I have decided to paint “THIS” Room!! And When I discussed it with my Hubby who shares the space, He was ok with 3 Golden Yellow  walls and 1  Purple wall , it was actually his Idea!! Yellow =a Happy Healthy Lifestyle where the inhabitants are cheerful and full of ideas. Purple = Deep, Intense, Emotional, and Exotic, Purple stimulates the mind as well as the senses.

Here’s The Thing…. I get overwhelmed or probably overwhelm Myself when starting a project…..and this is going to be a dooozy, but this time? I wrote in my Journal…..”JUST empty the room….do not do anything else….Just do that one thing.” and guess what? I got it DONE! I wanted to CLEAN it……badly! but this is where it would normally all go south, because I OVER do things and then feel like quitting. Not this time. I could really use any tips that anyone would be willing to share, I am truly in need of Organization Donors!! I am lacking in this area!

My Husband was Kind enough to get me the wooden Cube Shelving Units ( 6 squares in one Unit) I have 3 now for a total of 18 with all the cloth-ish drawers to go with them (I am Stacking These which will be 6 feet tall, with the lightest stuff stored at the top) so I have a Great Start!  I also have Several of the stacked Plastic drawers (some 13×13 ish and then some of the smaller 8×8 ish size), but I need to Organize in a Uncluttered fashion, as this room is fairly small….( about 9 x 12 feet) and it already holds two desks with computers, and One 3 x 3 foot bookcase which holds patterned 12×12 papers and my printer. There is also the Closet door to consider….so space for storage? is not Ideal.  I pretty much DO my crafts at my Kitchen Table, So that part is not an issue.

I want The ability, to have an Idea and craft/draw/paint/glue it, without having to hunt down the supplies I need…..That? would be Ideal! My Kitchen Table? Is almost Always FULL….of Craft stuff….We never “eat” there…. 😉

Last….But NOT Least? I received my Complimentary copies of the books My Art has been Published in!

The Book On the Left is “Art Journal Kickstarter” by Kristy Conlin, The book on the right is “Zen Doodle oodles of doodles” edited by Tonia Jenny.  Both Published by Northlight Books.  I feel Truly Blessed to have my Art “out” there in the world! (Still working on my OWN book to publish too!) 

My Monday wasn’t so bad after all….How was Yours?

Pharmacy Retail Phun Phacts!

So I work in a “pharmacy” retail store……I haven’t been there overly long? but I have definitely noticed that Purchasing patterns “happen”….when you have to “face” a store at the end of the night?   and you have an artisty mind? ….Yeah…..you notice everything! (facing a store means to touch everything by facing it forward, and/or making it touch the front of the shelf….it reminds me of the movie “Sleeping With The Enemy” with Julia Roberts)

Sooooo Around fall, when it first started getting cold? I noticed that condoms became very popular….as well as Lubricant, and all that good stuff! I also noticed that the moon must have something to do with women’s menstrual flow….as all the Tampons, and pads sell a LOT in the same week! Then came Thanksgiving…..in which the day after became popular for Pepto Bismol, with Preparation H following 2 days past that one……I know….stranger things right??….. 😉

Next? Close to Christmas I noticed we sold more Pregnancy Tests…..(about the right time frame from all the condom sales?!)Now we are at New Years Day……. We sold a LOT of hair dye….I would suppose that many women want to change? or set new goals? and that means a difference in appearance….but don’t be fooled!! MEN are just as self conscious! I see it every day!! I think if they made make up for men? It would sell! Just Sayin!

Today? I noticed that there seem to be many in a bad mood? there were many items, tossed into unusual places….(IE: Preparation H tossed on top of baby formula) and there were many more unusual combinations, as well as things knocked over, scooted backward, moved down or up a shelf…. I know that I have picked things up and set them down elsewhere before I hit the register….I will “Never”…..do that again! Public Apology Here Retail Folks!! Retail pays very little, If my husband didn’t work, I could not pay the bills….So no……they “don’t” get paid to do half the stuff they do…..I have to clean the bathrooms at night…..Janitors get paid more than me….I’m sure of it! never thought that a “cashier” would be doing what I’m doing…..but? I still like the people I work with for the most part….and even a little money is better than none.

I also have my Regular customers…..WE LOVE YOUR FRIENDLINESS!! Just really want you to know? that YOU are the reason we “like” our jobs at ALL! Sure we all need the money honey, but when you come in, and let us know that you loved something we suggested? or that you found something we talked about and you clue us in…..or you smile and ask how were doing? It makes MY day, I tell my Husband or friend or sister, about my day? You BET your in my story! Thanks for that by the way!!

I am VERY happy to be part time now, Instead of full time, I don’t like the 40 hour week, and it really hurts my feet-back-knees ect… I have a new respect for all you full timers out there! And Appreciate my husband even More!

and Last but not Least? I LOVE this part……The Holiday Clearance…..at 90% off……plus my discount?? makes an item for $19.99….$1.75! Now THAT is an awesome buy!! I got  10 boxes of 300 Icicle lights for 13.00…….TOTAL….not each….you cant beat that.

Well That’s all for my Phunday! I have 3 days off to make some art, and spend time with my hubby before my next work day! How was Your day? Hope it was Special!

Twenty Fifteen

So…..Its A New Year. My Last year wasn’t horrible, So If this one is better it can only be a good thing. I lost Approximately 40 pounds, Got a job, Got a car, Not too shabby! One of my sisters even moved from Michigan to Tennessee, not far from me and we have Coffee and or breakfast from Time to  Time.

If You follow my posts, You will have seen that I had 10 days off of work, and it was a much needed break, I didn’t feel 100% until about the 7th or 8th day off, but was ready to go back at day 10. My hours have been reduced from 40+ to around 24 hours, give or take a few. That has been suiting me just fine, I wouldn’t Mind 1 more short day now and then but I wont be complaining. Now if I could Just Boost the amount per Hour….I don’t think that will happen where I currently work, but I get 15 to 25 percent off the merchandise, and that isn’t too bad either.

I have had more time to make art, and create Crafty Items. I also Joined Lifebook 2015. I am about to Purchase a Printer which has an Instant Ink refill, sooooo what that means? is that my printer will order my ink before I run out, and I am billed per month by page usage – 2.99 for 50 pages per month, 4.99 for 100 pages per month or 9.99 for 300 pages per month. Now for the 100 pages? if you go Over your allotted pages? its $1.00 per 25 pages, which isn’t bad, I’m not sure about the 300, but its $1 per 20 pages over on the 50 per month amount. You can cancel your monthly thing whenever you want, Your pages roll over (only one months worth…so never more than 200 pages if you have to 100 page deal), and you can change your amount if you decide you need more or less to print. so if you like to print your own pictures?? you can print 300 8×10’s a month for 9.99. or…..fit as many 4×6 on an 8×10 sheet and print even more! Personally? I’m going for the 100 page amount for $4.99, they auto withdraw the amount so you don’t have to make a payment or anything…..I like the Idea! I will Update how it works out once I have used it for a couple of months.

For My Arty Friends/Followers I finished a Kathy Orta Style Mini book…..and created this Painterly Halo art tonight:

here is the Link to see the book:  https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=10202143995281109&set=vb.1825238008&type=3

We got a smoker/Grill for Christmas and we made BEEF JERKY!! It turned out AWESOME!!

And last but not Least? I accidentally Keeled on a Needle, half of the needle was sunk into my Knee area…..TWO scary things? It didn’t hurt……and I seemed like I hit a Vein. It seems OK so far……Just bruised looking from the bleeding on the inside…..It went into the Inside of my Knee, not into the Knee Cap or anything…..

My 2015 Aspirations (not resolutions!) are:

1: To Do my VERY best, to become better Organized so that I can create without having to search for things to do so.  AND so that I don’t Kneel on Needles!

2: To create My own book about My Art Journaling Journey, with Techniques, and how to’s.

3: To Finish The Two Children’s books I have started.

4: To Use What I have at hand, and not feel the need to Acquire More, because More only overwhelms me….

With that note? I am done for this Post! What are you Aiming for in 2015? I would Love to know! Have a Beautiful Weekend Y’all!

“Your Gonna Shoot Your Eye Out Kid!!”

Yes….. A Famous “Christmas Story” Saying! But for me? A Saying that also means you can Hurt Yourself by Trying too hard too. That said? I am on a 10 day “sick leave” from my doctor. Steroids, Antibiotics, REST!!  I tried to tell my place of employment, that I was getting wore out, tired, exhausted even, but with Holiday blinders, or perhaps Holiday earplugs? in…..They didn’t hear me, or possibly? I needed to say it louder? All that aside? I am feeling better today, day 5 of my time off work. I have 5 more restful days off, which go until December 27th.

Turns out that working hard, with a compassionate and full heart can make you more noticeable? So…..Whilst shopping in “Their” store no less, I did get a Job offer from a Manager who Observed my Customer Service skills in action during the busy holidays at my current place of employment!  This? made all the stress of over doing it at work worth it! Never did I guess I would be recognized in this particular way….never even gave “That” one a thought!!

We Received Quite a few FABULOUS gifts from our children Over the last week or so!! A  Shark Lift Away Vacuum Cleaner! Wow!!! This thing could remove Lincoln from the penny!! With 6 rescue Pets? We needed That one!!  A Weber Smokey Mountain Smoker/Cooker, AWESOME!!! We smoked a Pork Butt today! it rivals the BEST Pulled pork I have EVER eaten!! And WE made it!!  I also received an UP by Jawbone Bracelet? which tracks my sleep, activities, and calories (if I input the food I eat) and then makes suggestions to try and help me live better, with more balance. If I sit too long it will vibrate to let me know I need to move to improve blood flow. Hubby got a Titan Hoody and a Box of Football cards….We Received a Shiatsu Foot Massager with Heat From Hubby’s parents….(FOOT HEAVEN!!) We have officially been very spoiled this year!!

I feel so very blessed…..Not just right now, but for the fact that we have such beautiful Children….and Families…….As well as the friends we carry in our hearts, from Facebook, and From other Venues! I Hope that each and every one of you can feel The Blessings of Life and Love During the Season Of Christmas and Throughout the New Year to come!

Part Timer?

Yeah…..Right! LOL! At the Moment I work At LEAST 40 hours a week if not more! BUT…..It has afforded me the peace that comes with not having to worry about paying the bills, or being so tight we worry about spending anything.  All the new hires that started when I did have all quit except one. The newest Hire either got fired or quit. It is a really intense Job, I never realized how hard retail jobs were for the most part.

It has also Afforded me the ability, with HSN flex pay, to get a new Die Cut Machine = Brother ScanNCut, and let me say! Its a FANTASTIC machine! and this is my Third Die Cutter, Its even better than the Silver Bullet! and you don’t need to hook it up to your computer….AT ALL! I am pretty Impressed so far! Here is a Card I cut out with it:

HA! It TRIED to just cut the line I drew Instead of just the outline! My fault! I told it to cut the inside AND out side! oooppppssss! I designed the card from top to bottom, beginning to end!

So work Has been very busy, and I get very frustrated when I try so hard to get things right….and still get talked to about missing things when “facing” the store. (for anyone who does not know what facing is, Its when you pull every single item to the front of the shelf it sits on, and we have to be precise…it has to touch the edge and face forward.)  It never fails….I ALWAYS miss some!! I did get “Stock Room Star” for getting my Bays (A Bay is the area where the overstock merchandise sits)  cleaned up and empty, but it doesn’t feel like much of an achievement.

I am hoping after the holidays to be more part time, so I can give my Arts and Crafts….or as my Grand Niece Ava would say….”Hearts and Craps” More of my time. Right now I am cleaning our closets and cupboards! who knew it could be enjoying!!  I have much more I want to get done, and now have to figure out how to use my time wisely enough to get all the things done that need attention!

And last but NEVER Least….I miss my husband! Even more so now, because we seem to always work opposites!! I don’t have a “set” shift, so we don’t see each other often… So Yeah….Part time? would be nice! I will give many more examples of the stuff I cut, and will even do some videos of it in action as soon as I have the time to do so, which I imagine wont be until after January First! I cant wait until I can show off what I create!

OH and last but not Least? I walk from 4 to 7 miles a day….last week? 21 miles in one week!!!! I have lost 43 pounds since spring….. I KNOW that the weight loss is a benefit! Hopefully I will do even better in the coming months!

I hope You and yours are doing well and are staying safe, and continue to do so! Have a Blessed Night Y’all!

Be The Punchline……

Michael Junior asks: Instead of “what can I get for myself?” “what can I give from myself?” This was a very touching video on YouTube. I’ve been working a lot of hours lately and I’ve been complaining a lot about working all these hours, One of the best things at work? Is being able to help other people and make people laugh and smile and feel good about themselves. Sometimes…..it’s not about us……sometimes, things happen in our lives for other people. Maybe today, we can make the difference in someone’s life.

Yes I’m tired, yes I hurt, maybe I don’t know what the plan is today but I wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t meant to be here, Whatever the reason might be.

Very little art has been happening, due to the many hours of work, but there are two new hires, and soon I hope that I will have less hours of work, and more hours for art! One Great thing about working so many hours, is that it has afforded me the ability to buy a new machine, the Brother ScanNCut! It will be nice to have a diecut machine again!

I hope this message finds everyone well and healthy, and my wish is that everyone will have a blessed holiday season filled with wonderful family and friends . And remember, for every negative, there are two positives!