The Elf Owl…..

And The Burrowing Owl are low light or daytime feeders……Never knew that, I thought all owls hunted at night….Well “this” old night owl is having to change things up a bit…..Now having to become a LOW light Owl! I have not had to get used to morning hours in a long time…..Ughhhh, but hey, On the bright side? for 2 bucks more an hour? Ill make do. But Its not easy changing old habits, I’m so used to staying up all hours of the night…..At least I have the sleeping pills so I “CAN” sleep at night, There are always more positives than negatives if you look at something from every angle.

I have put in 3 days now at my new job, but it has all been in a tiny room behind a computer, doing all the necessary training modules, that alone has me worn out. I didn’t know about all the other things a Cashier might have to do either…. ūüėČ an Elf Owl feigns death when frightened….think that would work for me too?¬† LOL! Nahhhh!! I’ll get just as used to this job as I did the last one. I didn’t assume this one would be any easier than the last one was, just different dancing shoes is all. I just hope I remember to breath, I’m always so tense to begin with…..

Art……I have once again let it slide, as I am now adjusting to a new schedule once again….I pray now that I will find it a bit more relaxing schedule and if not? well then I will get my car paid off faster, and if there is a chance to receive a 3 day a week schedule in the future? I will grab it and RUN! if not? eventually I suppose I will just quit trying…..Not my art of course….But for some reason…..I thought finding a 3 day a week job would be simple…..hmmmmm…..not so much….don’t get me wrong, It IS part time…..there are some days that I only work 4 hours…..but honestly? 3 eight hour days is what I was hoping for.

There hasn’t been much else going on in my world, I found a new Doctor and he took many vials of blood, and so far the results are in for 2 things, I don’t have Lupus or RA. Thanks goodness!! I will see him again next week and get the rest of my results. ¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬† I am seriously considering Joining a nearby gym, perhaps all I need is to re-build any (most) lost muscle mass, It cant hurt……and they have full body massage chairs….the only thing that it’s lacking is a pool, that would be a great LOW impact workout. But…… filling all my time with all this………stuff… that good??? Are we suppose to be so busy? I suppose it cant be any worse than staying shut up in the house every day, still not getting a thing done…..We can complain about no time for anything, or we can find the time for the things that matter the most, either way? Wasted…or Busy…..Its still time, its still going to pass……Nothing will change that fact.

I hope your day is Blessed with Loved Ones, and Things You Love To Do! Have A Beautiful Weekend!! and Happy Mothers Day to all You Moms Out There!!

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Looking forward, Being present…….

So again….its been a short while since I have posted, Much and little has been happening in this little life of mine. My Doctor…..whom I will not Return to, LAUGHED at me when I said I was feeling stressed….I have felt very unbalanced lately….depressed… it what ever you will but when it tips the scales and becomes severe? I feel I should mention it….and what do I get? LAUGHED at??….there’s nothing to help with that…..suck it up? Perhaps…..but sometimes even a gentle ear might help, or maybe even ask “why” do you feel tense? maybe its the symptoms of my conditions? perhaps its PTSD…….In any case? I am hoping a new Doctor may help….

In other news…..I got tired of getting too little or too many hours at my current job, One week I get 11 hours, then only 15, then back to 40? Nope……can’t keep doing that… I put in at least 15 applications, and I got a new job! making 2 more dollars an hour, and getting 24 to no more than 30 hours a week ( Just what I was Hoping for) , AND the place is only open from 10 am to 8 30 pm, so no more late hours, and NO more toilet cleaning!! I’m not so naive to think it will be perfect, but it couldn’t have been any worse than the job I am leaving behind.

My Art is slowly making a comeback, I painted one canvas, and I have been dipping into my art Journals, Got a Commission, and I am working on a new Art Piece…..I am pleased that I have been able to get back to “me” I NEED to make art….its like Oxygen for me……it has to happen or I feel as if I’m drowning. I Also need to continue creating my book about Art Journaling, I really think I can get it published…..but not if I don’t create it!!

I hope Your little corner of the world is filled with Cozy warm/cool things, and Happy thoughts!

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Rescue from Pain!

My posts have been up and down….Battling Depression without medicine is sometimes a roller coaster.¬† For the record I am usually a much more positive personality, The pain has just made it more difficult than I had imagined.

Now…..Just since my last post, I started up my Nutri-bullet again, this time aiming for anti inflammation ingredients. I have to say, with all honesty……it is truly working. My hips are quiet enough at night for me to sleep, I could not just “quit” my sleeping pill, but I have cut it in half, No Tylenol or Motrin, No Alcohol. Just relief…..I have tears, and this time not from pain!

I also found a Web-site focused on the reasons for nutribullet reciepes, such as inflammation, digestion, energy ect….I am including the link:¬†

For the record though, I make my own drinks, but base them on the ingredients “for” specific needs, such as inflammation. I Highly recommend the Nutri-bullet, I have the 900 series and have had NO issues, and the blend has NO chunks AT ALL, its like drinking any other juice only its pure nutrition in a glass, only 1 glass a day….. You get the benefits of the whole fruit/vegetable, peel and all, I just slice,cut shave ect… never peel, sometimes the most useful nutrition IS the peel.

Anyway…..I know I have been more of a downer lately, and I wanted to give some POSITIVE energy! Never…..NEVER give up!

I Hope You Find Positivity Today!

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Round and Round……..

I have Osteoarthritis in my shoulders hips, knees, and spine. I also have a herniated¬† S1 disc (lower spine) My current Doctor has refused to give me anything for the arthritis, due to my many other illnesses, which one of them is Chronic Gastritis, and another is Disease of the Tricuspid Valve in the heart. So I have nothing for pain, He does however give me a sleeping pill, which is the only way It seems I can fall asleep anymore, unless I drink myself stupid, which is bad for more than just my stomach. My doctor will give me a hard time when I ask for more of the sleeping pill, but I have tried Motrin pm, Melatonin, Tylenol, and all of the above rotated, only works for a short time….then I have to add to them , which then will kill off organs as well….. I don’t take anything for pain any other time of the day unless I get a migraine. I can deal, until I lay down….

My Husband is tired of hearing me complain about work,( he does not in any way say that to me, but after 25 years of marriage I can tell)¬† and the only reason I complain, is that I cant sleep, because I’m in constant pain, Like a deep tooth ache in all my joints, my hips being the worst of them. Working makes the pain worse as I have to bend and stoop the entire day, which aggravates my condition, I have asked for part time…..they put me on 7 days straight but only 30 hours……the problem is that I need in-between days to reload I have asked for only 3 days a week, I have been told that that is probably not going to happen, and Yes I have put in many applications over the last few days.

I don’t do any art any more, I’m too tired, and I have to work more days than I planned, I take my sleeping pill at night, usually I can go to sleep, but it also makes me want to stay in bed until I cant lay there anymore. I am getting depressed quickly as this escalates, and that makes me just want to sit in a corner, and watch shows that I cant even remember what happened in them…..And My Irritability is starting to get pretty bad.

Taking deep breaths, I just try to find solutions in my head. I could quit my job… but I sort of need the money to pay the doctor bills, we could do it without, but then I can only go when moneys not too tight, Moving around work also has the benefit of “moving”, if I only sit, soon I wont be able to move at all. I cant collect ssd, as according to them I am not sick “enough” and in order to re- apply I have to work for 2 years……and if I do get ssd….I wont be working…..will that keep me from moving? or will I then have the time to walk in a park? I am on 19 different prescriptions, I have considered quitting the whole freaking list, but I know that some of my diseases are serious….I think I need to be back on anti depressants, but there you go….yet another pill….. OH, and I called a Holistic Doctor…..RIIIIGHT…..MY current office visit is $196 dollars….with a discount for blue cross taking it down to $106. HOLISTIC medicine is not covered by insurance in any way….and I¬† do not have that kind of money. I believe I was quoted $500.00 to get started.

I think I understand now why there are some who come to the decision, that quantity of life is not more important than quality of life. Putting on my turtle shell and thinking cap Once again.

I hope everyone has a beautiful Day, and Please….. make the most of each one!

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MARCHing To Your Own Tune

Its been a While since my last post, I have been battling what I believe was the Flu, It was “AWFUL”! Even Steroids hardly made it easier to breath, but I got better. I woke up today. THAT is all I truly think about mostly since I have¬† gotten past it. Funny, That all the things in life I “thought” does or would make me happy or grateful for, JUST being alive was not one of the things I would have seriously put on my list 20 years ago. Life moves, it carries you in directions you never would have went¬† on your own sometimes, and all the directions change you, make you think differently. I once thought a lot of money would make me happy, now I see why it clearly would “NOT”.¬† I’m finding out what it takes to be at peace with the Me I have become.

I have postponed My YouTube  videos until Monday, The 9th of March. I will be home alone with less to distract me. I hope that someone can get something from them, I only make them to help others find an easier way to draw, or doodle if you will. I also want to review my brother scan and cut for anyone who might be thinking of buying a Die cut machine.

My working life continues to be pretty good, I hope I will make more money , but I couldn’t ask for better hours, or a more flexible schedule, and it only take me 5 minuets to get there. I will be Extremely happy when my car is paid off so the money we make extra can go to Home improvements! Speaking of that!! We have a fairly new Mattress set (1-2 years old) and we paid quite a bit….NOT HAPPY with it, its got deep impressions already! we got it at Sears…..HOWEVER…..We were shopping at Sams Club and we found a 4 inch thick memory foam mattress topper, AMAZING!!!! it was $100.00 and worth every penny!!

My Sisters will soon Arrive and we will have some time spend together, I Look Forward to those times as we only get once a year to really be together with no distractions or limits. Next year we are looking for more adventuring as well as visiting!

How is YOUR Saturday Treating You? I Hope You are all Well!

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What If…..

What If……Your walking down a Pretty Dirt Road…..Flowering trees line either side, The air is fresh with the slight scent of¬† honeysuckle, and the breeze is subtle yet refreshing, There is birdsong in the air, you hear a gurgling brook nearby…..everything is soothing…..What If…..Suddenly….the wind got rougher, the Road started becoming quite a bit steeper, You felt extremely out of breath, the trees became brambly and dried up looking, and What If… most of us “might” do, you turned around to go back and find the “nice, quiet” part of the road, but as you turned around? there was nothing…..a cliff….A Drop Off with “Nothing” behind you?

What if…..As you have no choice but to move on…..You see a Fork in the road ahead….while continuously looking back, bewildered that no matter how much further you travel, there is still a dead drop off directly behind you, anxiety builds as you approach the Fork……Now……Left….Or Right…..whichever way you choose? You now know…..The drop off is still right at your heels, so there wont be any turning back…..

This, My Friends…..Is the beginning of a story…..Perhaps YOUR story…..Because THIS is exactly what life is like if you consider it all…..we cannot go back….EVER….we have the memory of the sweet smelling air and the soft breeze, and then things got rougher….Just as life does…. we long for the better roads because most people can remember that from their youth, not having bills, or responsibility…..coasting in and around all the fun things that happen in childhood, But eventually? Life throws curve balls, and we have choices to make, that we know once we make them? again….we can never go back… changes every day, whether we picked up a cigarette, a drink, or chose to be a health nut…..every choice is just another foot forward, you cant stand still….or the empty space traveling behind you will eat you up…. But Change is OK……It’s IMPORTANT , if we didn’t move? and change? we would also never discover, learn, Or Grow…..

What If …….We could all relax and know…..That there would ALWAYS be a road to travel down, and just ‘Enjoy’ the changing scenery?¬† It would be A Life well traveled!

My Right Lung Hurts Like I got Ran Over….BUT….I think I am out of the woods…Still congested, but breathing a bit easier. I escaped the dark corridor again and am so very grateful…..I have many things to do, and I am glad I get to do them, and I am going to enjoy the HELL out of the rest of the passing scenery!

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February FUNK….

Watching a few of the people I admire,¬† some whom I didn’t even know until now,¬† Vlog Every Day In February. I haven’t got up my nerve to do that yet, Those women are very brave.

I am in a Funk…..I have things to say…..I don’t know how to say all of it at once….and when I try to let out “bits” the rest gets lost for a time…..but its still all there…..needing and wanting to be released. I Used to buy Journals…..and they stayed blank except for the first few pages, Now I make many Journals….I have discovered ART Journaling and this has helped tremendously with getting some thoughts out…..And I have used “some” of the journals I have “made”, but many still remain blank, or even Un-assembled…..I have an Obsession with Paper now….Patterned, and even Blank card-stocks, that I intend on “using” someday….I promise myself many times that it will get used, but instead I just wait for the next paper sale at the craft store and buy more. I have been keeping all the scraps as well….It seems as if I have forgotten how to move forward. I buy all the things I think I might need as well……Glues, Tapes, Kits, chipboard, Rings, Brads, clear and rubber stamps, Ink, And still…..I sit here…..frozen. I am damaged, I had a horrid childhood, but most people can remember it being horrid, or at best not “normal” for we know now that we are grown, that there is no such thing as normal, or perfect, but we still feel broken… doesn’t change anything. Sometimes….there are folks that take that brokenness and do even more damage, Sometimes one blames all the wretchedness they feel, on everything else but themselves…..The truth is? Maybe? It was just THEM that was broken in their lives instead of everyone around them. That is when we need to “Own” our shit, not blame it on anyone, especially not on Children, they come into the world innocent. (for the record here, not talking about anyone in particular. this is a “general” statement)

I am sick again in my lungs. Its so scary to really feel like that kid in the commercial says “a fish out of water”. I get a desperate feeling when it gets bad, I am back on steroids. I Knew the Doctor would have put me in the Hospital with this one, so I didn’t go. I heard someone say once that sick people are many times unhappy, which is where the word “Dis-Ease” comes from… I myself FEEL happy, at least for the most part, but I will own that there are parts of me….That are still that young person, Who STILL feels broken…..Who lingers on the bad stuff that happened…..Who cant seem to move PAST the bad stuff, Who Cries when she sees something that reminds her of what She never felt she got enough of, OR too much of,¬† Or who cries during a sad Commercial for Pete’s sake! That Little girl stands with her head down, afraid to look up…..wondering why shes always in trouble…Why she cant do GOOD things…..Why she just cant be like everyone else…..she has been there….with her head down, for a very long time…..When I Art Journal? I catch her peeking….Trying to see if I am writing down how proud I am of her, That she is still here on Earth, and Proud that she tries very hard to help other people know, that they make a difference in this world….Yes…..I want her to know……I AM writing it down…..

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